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Saturday, June 15, 2013

The Wooden Globes.


Have you ever sat through or seen an advert and wondered what for the love of baba Dudu was going on.  Here's a run down of my top 5 wackest adverts of all time.  Pls drop a comment after reading if there's any 1 I missed or your brother works  in one of the agencies and you   would like to swear for me. 

This is a billboard advert for news 24, an app for news on mobile phones I gather.

Objective:  News24 in their brief probably intimated to the agency that they wanted the app to be projected as reliable, any day, anywhere, anytime. 

Thought process: Thus, the creator thought, "what would  project that ?" Ans: Weather, obviously. Through sun, rain, and snow.  

Result: Every day on my way to and from work in Ajah, hard as i try not to look, somewhere around Obalende my eyes always land on a billboard advert in which rain is falling and people are depicted running in all directions trying to stay dry. Alas, one man stands out from the Crowd. He's in the midst of the scene WITHOUT AN UMBRELLA, WITH A PHONE TO HIS EAR! , apparently receiving the latest updates  from News 24. In the rain. In his suit. Without an umbrella. Not to worry, news 24 makes both him and his phone water resistant.

 I had actually completed this article, it was supposed to have only four  adverts, but who am I to argue with Mother Destiny.I was jejelly on my own watching the news with my mom when they took a break for commercials.

Objective: Vitamilk is supposed to be fortified with vitamins and energy and iron and zinc, etc infact, a balanced diet, and so they wanted a reflection of that. 
Thought process: Vitamilk has energy. Energy= power. Power= Superman. Thus Vitamilk= superman powers. Pretty easy math.

Result:  A child is drowning, and a lady dives in to save him. However she seems to have hurt her leg or something and is drowning herself. Who are we kidding? We all know its because she hasn't had any Vitamilk.  Enter hero: seeing two people drowning, he instinctively reacts as anyone would. He grabs a bottle of Vitamilk which just happens to be handy and gulps rapidly. Transformation to Clark Kent is thus complete. Then and only then, does he dive into the pool to save the two drowning people. In all that time, they didn't become unconscious or bloated from swallowing too much water. In fact he comes up with both of them smiling and the other bad Samaritans around the pool clapping. All hail Vitamilk.

Objective:  Thus saith MTN to their ad agency:  "we know our network sucketh the biggest of them all.  And we need to do something about this, make no mistakes, we have no intention of improving our network or anything stupid like that. We just need you to do something even more ridiculous than the level of our inefficiency, so we can be out of the spotlight for a bit. 

Thought process: 
So the ad creator begins to think "Lets do another rags to riches type story where someone wins  money so much it could.......(at this point he looks out the window and a plane whizzes past) yes! Buy an aero plane!!!  Or,even better, we could even give them the option of choosing an aeroplane!!! " Never mind that this is probably a poor person, he or she just might choose the plane instead. Because let's face it, even if my account balance was   250 naira, it'll still be cooler to fly my plane over to my neighbor in the face me I slap you where I stay to borrow garri. 

 Objective: The manufacturers gave the ad agency just one instruction: portray hypo as the most whitening of them all.

Thought process:  what is the blackest form of black? Ans: black and shiny. So we need the exact opposite. Hence they basically took the phrases "white as snow"and "shiny as the sun" and ran with it. Literally

Result: Tv commercial in which a "celebrity" arrives at a show in his all white ensemble which apparently he rocks at every event and had to bleach for that event. He seems to be a staunch celestial/ aladura church goer, and that white shirt and trouser are the only ones the "Alfa" by the stream has prayed on. His clothes are so bright his fans have to wear shades. I bet behind the scenes, for each person, there were two people shining torches in each eye for effect.  2months later, he's wearing dat same uniform again but they have caught on to him. Thus, they are all wearing "hypoed"  whites and he has to wear shades as well.  Lets not forget that clothes are metal. Or at least they can glint like metal when treated with hypo. In fact, they glint so bright that you have to put on shades. Even  God is thinking of ordering some for the heavenly dry cleaners.
Below is the link for the ad: tell me if I lie.

I actually insist, dearly beloved , that you clap before reading this. Honey well and their agency took my imagination of how wrong an advert could possibly be, and showed me that I was still sitting down on a looooooooooong tin.

I would imagine that Honey well said only these words to their agency: " Bam bam la la" ! 

Thought process: "bam-bam-la-la" lets do a song with "bam-bam-la-la" , rhythm is not important, logic isn't either, only "bam-bam-la-la". So who would be in the advert? We need people, make that kids, they like noodles,  and a truck with the golden penny logo so they have an idea what on earth we're talking about. Oh! and one agbaya to lead them. Can I get a "bam-bam-la-la" somebody? . Needless to say, if that advert convinces your kid, or worse; you to buy those noodles, be afraid. Be verry. Afraid.  
Link below:



  1. D link for d ad of Honeywell noodles linked me back to Hypo advert... Do sumfin bout that

  2. Lmfao!!! Niz one, buh I totally dnt agree wit d ranking dou! Vita milk shud b number one, hypro 2nd and so on, for honey well, well I think shud not b on d list, the song is catchy, and dats convincing enuf, infact I also learnt and sang along, d sold not jst d product but d brand! Kids love songs, and kids are der target audience, brilliant I say for me, and I tink u shud b jailed for missing out arial's ad, wit dat woman dat babbles some words den go ah! Ah! And anoying ah! Dats my most boring and anoying advert of all tym.

  3. Talabi Owolabi Enyce was here... As usual :D

  4. lolzzzzzz!!!hahaha!!!!!lolzzzzz
    nice one BUT vita milk is my favourite drink.habba.

  5. Am rolling on the floor...WARNING! dese companies fit go build firewall for ur CV, shey u know?