Search This Blog

Tuesday, May 13, 2014


Sorry, for not posting on Friday, it was the fault of my too comfortable couch. This first part is Dede's side of the story and it was written by by a reader who uses the handle @hayeslikeisaac on twitter. If you're a first time reader, you can read part two HERE   and part one HERE . With apologies from myself and my couch; enjoy. 

You don't know me, you cant understand my story. Its hard to take when you have been taken for a "Maga" or "Lagos JJC" as it may seem. I loved Lara. She knew I loved her, she was the perfect fit Lara Phillips all 5ft 
9inches of chocolate perfection. Full lips, full hips and oh those other "assets". There are women and there are women and she is one damn woman. Yes Im a "Lagos boy" you'll see me where ever the boys throw down, from 100 hours to Rhapsody to Soul Lounge hey what's a man to do? Moving back to Lagos was a charm in itself but meeting Lara while walking out of the airport was me in my most powerful state.Hand luggage and her cousin in tow how could she not look? I'd made her cousin coo and do unspeakable things on the plane now we were on ground Id seen another. This other I had to have! Lara was behind the cord as usual with MMA she had to wait for her people to get through before she could walk up to them. As we walked out I saw her immediately, I 
saw her look towards me not realizing she was waiting for her cousin Shade. Now dont get me wrong Shade is alright, head of legal for a multinational and a figure from the gods but Shade wasn't Lara. Lara had that "Ummph" factor. She could engage you to the end of the earth, if there was someone you wanted to be stuck on a deserted island with, it was her. But remember I told you, I'm a Lagos Boy.

 Once out of the airport Shade became 2nd fiddle for my attentions Lara was Nefrititi, she was Queen to this, she owned this! Lucky for me Shade in her haste to return had forgotten to get her sim back into her phone and had to call from mine! How lucky can one man be! Once we had parted I just saved the number. There was no WhatsApp or BBM then so there was no way to do this in a subtle manner. I waited, it was hard it was difficult but I waited. Waiting was difficult, my loins ached, the hands of Shade on them in the plane was one thing, the thought of Lara was another. I made the call 3 days later after being accused by everyone around me of being in a trance. I had it mapped out and planned to perfection. Shade had called me a tonne of times, sent texts etc I deliberately ignored then on Thursday I called Lara..The excuse was simple, I was trying to get a hold of Shade but didnt have a number (ignore all the calls and text just keep a straight tone Dede, nothing spoil).

 My charm offensive was awesome, we spoke for about 20mins, asking how her day was, heard some noise in the background she told me she was on Karimu Kotun trying to get something to eat and that sealed the deal. I was at Eko hotel I summoned her immediately, come round theres a feast waiting. That was the day I knew Lara loved food and I would feed her to get anything! And I did.She was there with me for 4hours. In 4 hours I'd gotten from her everything, her life story, her likes and her pet likes and hates. Id also gotten a promise to see later that weekend....Shade was a faint memory for then, even she didnt remember her cousin. Besides Shade was a 6hr "event"! A London to Lagos tryst was hardly the stuff dreams are made of!

On Friday evening I picked her up and she melted into the leather in my Aston Martin.I made an excuse of picking up something from the house. Same neighbourhood in Lekki so she came in to see the place. Once inside she couldnt utter a word. I'd modelled the house to be the same as the one I had in LA. 2 storey, looks like a bungalow from outside but is awesome when you walk in. Loads of polished/finished wood,
Italian marble and the pool. The pool was the proverbial panty dropper, she saw it and had to get in. Lara was fun, she was a happy go lucky girl and today she was showing me happy, lucky and fun. It took very little for me to convince her the pool was warm enough for a plunge. First her feet, then her ankles 
and before we knew it she had slipped into the pool fully clothed!

 She claimed she slipped, she says me standing so close to her and maybe I slipped, fell and moved her ever so slightly beyond the edge. That evening, I jumped in to "rescue her", gave her a tshirt to wear (the most snug one I could find, one of the muscle fit A&F ones....momma didnt raise no fool) and once she slipped into it, the rest was simple. That night we didnt go out, we sat in, spoke about everything under the sun. I knew everything about her. I knew what 
everyman had done to and for her and I knew what she wanted to hear. Women aren't as complicated as you think, Listen and youll find that spot that spoils them. Material things are one thing, attention is everything. Attention to detail, how she likes her eggs, the fact she doesnt like orange juice, its the little things. I made those little things a big difference in the next few days, by the end of the next week she mentioned Shade's name. It took a lot to respond "Shade who?" 

Now lets get back to tonight, you can be the Ex or you can be the next you choose. For nearly a whole year we were the toast of Lagos. I was never associated with any woman publicly (yes there were the rumors, the innuendos etc. heck if Sade Ladipo and the Grapevine were around then Id have been a daily topic!) Once you become Lara's man by virtue of career you were "marked". I made a meal of it though, I sent her flowers, I sent muffins to her camera and makeup  (that got me loads of offers to bed by the powder girls) and I took her out without question. 

Her catching me in bed with Shade had a story behind it.Shade was the jealous type, she had to be among, had to have everything had to be in the limelight, missing out pained her. ". She was the type of girl that wanted destination wedding and the works. In me she saw someone who could provide that and my not returning her calls but suddenly appearing beside Lara at functions, she was pained! Shade showed up while Lara was on air for an unplanned show, by then my timing was known to most in the little circle I kept. Sitting in my living room I lazily walked to the door and there stood Lil Miss Thang. An overcoat in Lagos was a rare thing, nothing under it was even better. She had a cannibalistic approach to getting what she wanted. Before I knew it She pushed me inside and that was it. I was out of my depth and staring at her naked glistering body in seconds. I hadn't seen Lara for a few days and suddenly I was there staring at a body I knew wanted me. I could have suspected it but damn this was booty and I was......

I stripped off her overcoat and dived in. She wasnt the gentle love making kind like Lara, she was a rodeo girl and she was born to ride. Have you ever met the girl Apache rapped about in Gangster Bitch? She went in on me 
like I was made of diamonds. She had this hip movement thing she did and damn I was going to rip her and as I got on top something said look up....

In my sex filled head I saw a shadow, focused for a bit and saw an image, I saw a person....yup. That "Oh Shit" moment came up and lets just say I didnt cum. Theres nothing I didnt do, theres nothing I didnt try to do. Lara wouldnt see me. Eventually I left town, I came back a few times. I never got involved with any girl publicly neither did I ever get any woman back to my place. Hundreds of flowers, gifts etc. I sort of gave up. Lara made sure I was never able to see her, I tried to make my way to see her but I couldnt take the rejection.

Over time, over a long time 8 years I sat at the club watching TV and there she was, the volume was low but something was unfolding, the more I looked the more it became obvious. Some little girl was handing Lara, my Lara a ring and her dad was there waiting to be told yes. I jumped into my car and made my way to her studio, passing her car on the way in I decided to follow her. Call it what you want I wasnt stalking her, on getting to her place and seeing her walk out looking all that....I had to talk to her, I had to hear her voice again.

'Congratulations'.....The slaps came in thick and fast.
He sat there for a few seconds, his lower jaw obeying gravity. Hardly the expected reaction.  He looked like he was in a trance. Surely it couldn’t be shock, it wasn’t his first kid. I touched his hand and he jerked, snapping his mouth and looking at me. “How far along?” He asked. “Just a little over three weeks”
“That’s wonderful baby,we’re having a baby! I’m so excited!” he lifted me up from the sofa and spun me a little. I laughed with joy, forgetting his earlier weirdness. Setting me down he said “ I want to have the wedding as soon as possible. We will go to the registry tomorrow to book a date. We can do registry and traditional, then the white wedding after you deliver”. He was talking very fast, obviously excited. I was happy, my indiscretion of yesterday forgotten. All was well.
All was not well; A woman I had just been about to break up with was carrying my child. How was I even sure it was mine? How long had she doing unholy things with the guy from last night? Afterall, he was important enough to ditch me for on the day of our proposal. I felt sick. That evening, I went to the club to hang with the boys. After a  very energetic game of squash, we sat down for beers and the teasing started. I smiled and sipped, thinking about my predicament.
I got home and the house was empty. She and Lola had gone somewhere. I thought of her with my daughter and my fist clenched. Then I remembered my child was also inside her. I switched on the TV, Nollywood and their ghost stories. I decided to entertain myself.
 Low, I know. To use my pregnancy like that. But Femi knew me too well, he was going to know I was hiding something. I needed the smokescreen. I came back from my ice cream outing with Lola to find him on the sofa. My phone was ringing. I didn’t want to wake him so I silenced it and walked away. I checked caller ID. Wendy, checking in.  She told me Dede was out and warned me sternly, like I needed to be told.
We married two weeks later. A small group of people at Ikoyi registry, my parents, his parents and about three friends from each side. The next day, Saturday, was our engagement. Recorded of course for, Lara’s lounge. I was officially Mrs Yusuf. Then hell broke loose.  
It was on our honeymoon, we had gone to Zanzibar for a mini honeymoon. We’d just gotten into the room from a  swim when he started.
“ Baby , I need to tell you something’ 
His tone filled me with instant dread. I sat down on the bed beside him. He held my hands in his.
“We are  now married. We shouldn’t keep secrets. She thinks its time to tell you. She’s very happy for us, and she knows I love you as much as I love her” I smiled, wondering why his tone had been so serious when he was talking about Lola. He looked over my shoulder and smiled back.
 “ Yeah, you’re right, Zanzibar was a good choice. so romantic”
 I turned to see who was talking to. Air.
 “ Femi,…are you okay? Who are you are you talking to?” I asked, trying to understand the joke. He laughed. “Don’t be funny, don’t you see her behind you? I’ll leave you two to your girl talk” he said, leaving the room.
He came back from drunk for the first time ever since I’d known him. He slept as soon as he hit the bed. Early the next morning, he seemed to be sleep talking. “No. no don’t kill her, she did it but we have to let it go”  I was still trying to make sense of his gibberish when his eyes flew open and he jumped up.
‘ I have told you, I don’t want to talk about this anymore, you said I should marry her still, I have married her! He shouted, looking at the wall on my side of the bed. “Oya come back to bed joor’ he said in a placating tone, all the while addressing the opposite wall. Finally facing me , he said “ baby, shift small, let her lie down’ My legs began to vibrate, I needed to use the toilet. Panic made every word difficult “ ff-fe-femi, where is she?’ I asked, playing along. He laughed heartily. Lara stop being ridiculous, someone is lying beside you rubbing your tummy you’re asking where…
 My shriek cut him off. I jumped off the bed, my arms protectively covering my belly. I had never felt this much fear in my life. “who-what are you talking about?”
 He gave me the look he would give Lola if she was being stubborn. “Femi if this is a joke stop it now. what are you talking about? Who is touching my belly? “Tade of course, he said, rolling his eyes. I couldn’t breathe.  ‘T-tu-ta-Tade? Tade your late wife???”
“Don’t be rude” he said reprovingly, “she just thanked you for how well you take care of Lola, say you’re welcome”

I left that room in a sprint.


  1. Oh Good God, femi fe ya were. Chai ireti please not this fine man. Oh I just have to wait for the next part. This had better be good. Awesome work.

  2. Ireti o! As I said earlier, fascinating. What a twist! I hope femi's just tryin to pay back. I refuse to believe he's a lil deranged. I had already classed him as a knight. Haba!

  3. I don't even know what to say! Awesome! This should be turned into a movie. Suspense, Intrigue, Romance, Action!!! lol

  4. Girl, you sure know how to confuse your readers! Loving this.